Tastes like chicken

I came to realize something over the past few days and that is how much I don’t really enjoy the taste of candy. I enjoy about one or two bites of it then after that it just starts to taste kind of meh. Like I could have an apple and it’d be the same level of satisfaction, if not more. Even peanut butter cups and coke don’t taste good after that first bite to me anymore. The problem is I keep eating it, even though I’m impartial to how good or bad it tastes to me. In my mind I feel like that is more my problem than anything - not knowing when or how to stop after one bite.

I’ve also had a bad few days. Today was particularly bad. From pretty much the moment I woke up I’ve felt like a fat, bloated, ugly piece of human being. I feel so down about everything and as usual I don’t tend to care what I eat during those times, which then makes me feel crappy about what I just ate. It’s a bad cycle. I’ve got to make that connection between my thoughts/feelings and with food. They’re not supposed to go hand in hand. I need to make that break between feelings and feedings. It’s the last thing I need to figure out before I can make this a life time commitment to myself.

I went to see about my nutrition program today but the coordinator was sick. My giant book arrived with my meal plan but I’m concerned about the amount of calories that was built for me. I’m sure I can add an apple or two a day and top it up but I think it’s too much of a calorie deficit based at my current weight. I’m going to meet up with her on Friday to discuss and go from there. I’m sure we can work something out to a comfort level for both of us.

I’m going to attempt to be good with my eating tomorrow but if it was anything like today I’m not going to hold my breath. I’ll be in the office very early so I’m going to try to stock up on snacks and maybe grab some veggies from the salad cart for a fresh, crisp snack in the afternoon. Wish me luck!