Finding my why

Wake up time today was round 8am and decided rather than lying around in bed, trying to go back to sleep, I'd get up and chill on the couch, watching criminal minds. When I turned it on I realized it was one of the episodes I'd seen before so maybe I should try something else. I turned to TLC and got sucked into Say Yes to the Dress. I decided if I was going to let my brain go to mush that I'd at least attempt to get exercise while doing it. I did a half hour on the elliptical then popped in Jillian for our second date.

Today's DVD was "workout 2" which was lower body, core and back. It went from donkey kicks backs to pelvic thrusts to bicep curl things (a way I've never done before) and onto various other body ache creating movements. The 30 minutes just flew by which is shocking when you are loathing what you're doing. I like the fact that there's no countdown clock on the screen as many of my fitness ones have. I don't have a clock in the workout area either so I don't stare at the minute hand progressing.

Something she yelled at me today sort of stuck with me throughout the day. She wanted me to think about the "why" as to the reason I'm exercising. She said you'll never stick to the "how" if the "why" isn't important to you. I'm still trying to figure out what the "why" truly is. Yes, I want to be healthy and fit but am I doing this because I want to look better more than be healthy?

I think I'm still struggling with making being healthy more of a focus rather than a number on a scale or a size on a tag. I can be very obsessive or dismissive about my weight. It's one of the reasons why I can fluctuate up to 30lbs +/- in the span of a year. I need to have a healthier relationship with food and my body before anything is going to stick.

The rest of the day was kind of normal. After I showered, I decided to return something to Costco and when I got back to my car, I decided to go for a drive. I ended up in Byron, then on through to Hyde Park / Fanshawe. I wandered around Walmart for an hour then rolled back home. I cooked up some steak and beans then chilled out on the couch for the rest of the night playing video games with my bro. A nice end to the weekend - now onto a really busy week!